Taylor Swift is so right about you.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
