I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
