i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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