You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
