I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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