dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
