I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
