BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
