My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
