My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
