just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
