Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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