i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
