Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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