Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
