I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
