my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
