Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
