Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
