I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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