You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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