yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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