my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
