I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
