Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
