I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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