Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
