i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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