considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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