He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
