pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
