420 ftw
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
