How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
