Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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