I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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