I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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