you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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