the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
