Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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