Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
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