I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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