Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Do vagina's smell?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
