I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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