this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
