On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
