We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
