Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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