somebody snuck up and got me drunk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
