Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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