told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
