"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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