I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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