I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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